The Noisy Little Monkey Blog

mr dog is back

Chill Out Bitches, Mr Dog Is Back

Posted in Funnies by Holly Edwards on 15-May-2017 00:25:00

We all remember a great come back. Bowie’s triumphant return to Glastonbury in 2000; Prince’s reinvention as The Artist Formerly Known As in 1991; Kim K’s return to the spotlight earlier this year following traumatic events in Paris. But none, none can compare to this: the most eagerly-anticipated event in written history. It’s here. It’s happened: Mr Dog is back.

It’s been 3 years. 3 long, empty, meaningless years. Since that fateful day in January 2014, we monkeys have been bereft; floating aimlessly through space like so much dust in the void. Lucy’s had to get pregnant to have a reason to live. Josh has taken to referring to everyone as ‘Mr Do-‘ before cutting off and getting a faraway look in his eyes. Jon’s up to his eyeballs in crack. We’ve all coped in our own, unique ways.  

The absence has been palpable. A tangible, pulsating loss at the heart of all things Monkey. A collective phantom limb, if you will, bleeding into the fabric of who we are, like an insidious poison. The idea of continuing to live a life without Mr Dog has felt, at times, impossible. Sure, sure, we’ve put on a brave face. Smiled to our clients, spoken at events, hosted Digital Gaggle. But beneath it all, darkness. Only darkness.

woman lying on floor with dogAt night, Gertie dreams only of Mr Dog.

It happened slowly, as these things so often do. First, a change in the air. A shift in the breeze – imperceptible to all but the most seasoned of Monkeys. Like the gentle shifting of snow beneath an avalanche, or the pulling in of the tide before a tsunami. Nothing constant, nothing concrete; only the hint of a promise to come.

Gradually, the rumour grew. It became whispers, steadily growing stronger, like a rustle through the trees. Could it be true? We didn’t dare to dream. Could he be returning? After all this time?

It was as if a candle had been lit  in amongst the suffocating blackness of despair. Small, at first – a flickering flame, emitting only the faintest of glows. But the brightness grew. Spread. Became stronger over time, burning, burning, burning, until –

dog sits on poor unsuspecting womanWe'd like to make it clear that this behaviour is ONLY TOLERATED by Mr Dog. Yes, that means you, Jon.

At last! Colours returned to the Earth. Birds sang, again, in the sky. Jon finally put down the crack pipe. As the wave crashes into the shore, following months of ripples from the ocean core through to its final purpose, so Mr Dog has returned to our lives and to our hearts. We are truly #blessed.

The reason for his return? Well, partly because we were all falling apart without him (clearly), but also because the little PR business he'd left us to establish ('The Dog's Bollocks') just wasn't enough to fund the lavish lifestyle to which Mr Dog has become accustomed. Turns out a crippling fear of going outside makes it difficult to do business. Who knew?

Have you, too, heard the rumours? Felt the siren call of a farting Vizsla through these winding streets of Bristol? Come and see for yourself! We're at the Tobacco Factory these days, and we'd love it if you'd come and say hi.

Tags: Funnies

Holly Edwards

Holly Edwards

Holly is the long form content specialist at Noisy Little Monkey. She blogs about content marketing and cats. And gifs.